I almost forgot. I promised the story that trumps all. The story that consists of one signature sound...a sound that even now makes me look like a crazy person shaking with laughter in a corner of a coffee shop.
The story: The night was young and my friend Jenni and I, after walking many miles (maybe like 1 or 2) alongside Central Park made our way back from the delicious Shake Shack (the upscale cousin/love child of McD's and Culvers). Stopping at a corner I saw that little neon white man flashing his perfectly shaped body at me, informing me we should cross.
"Lets cross the street now so we don't have to deal with it later," I shouted at Jenni mid-jump. Leaping across the street Jenni and I made our way to the corner only to be greeted in the most shocking of ways.
The moment we came to a halt this middle aged man (I am saying he was middle aged because all I could see of him was his backside, and it screamed 30/40s) let the loudest fart go. It was like that deep tuba-like sound with that squeaky end you get when you sit on a woopie cushion. Aka a human should never be able to make such sounds, but this man accomplished just that. Loud, deep and harmonious his bottom belch sounded over the car horns and chatter surrounding us literally stopping us in our tracts.
Hands up in shock, i stood there trying to catch my breathe while at the same time trying not to breath in. Jenni flung her head into my arm, shielding the soon to be zoo-animal like laughter that was about to be unleashed on the corner.
With a loud grunt and shifting of his legs, the man didn't miss a beat before hopping across the street to leave us in his crop dust.
To say we laughed would be rude to whatever we accomplished because laughter doesn't sum it up. From that corner all the way back to the hotel (maybe a few blocks) tears, snot, and that guttural sound mixed with the high pitched glass shattering shriek or laughter came in waves from Jenni and myself. We probably looked like drugged college students, which on a New York street is the probably one of the tamest things you'd see. But, the moral of the story is.
After eating a cheeseburger, fries and slurping down a chocolate custard shake to ensure a thorough abs workout find a man (or woman) to unleash the beast from behind to get you that toned and defined look. It works like a charm. Every time.
The (mis)adventures of a guy from that one place living it up for three months in the concrete jungle.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The Mother Blog
Time for some real bloggin kiddos!
To say the life of a lowly intern living in the city via a hotel with little moolah is busy would be the understatement of the universe. Yeah, the whole verse. I say that because I think Mars gets better internet connection then I do. The coffee shop I do all my interwebbing on has little to no wifi at the moment, so trying to download songs on Itunes is like trying to sit through all three extended editions of LOTR. But, enough of the complaining lets talk about me. ; )
These past few weeks have been super duper intense in the show-seeing category. American Idiot, SNL, and then the handful of plays/musical/dance/art events don't even come close to fitting into two of my hands, so a handful was the wrong choice of wording. To sum it up, I have been a slave to New York.
Woke up this morning after a lovely night of cops and mouthy drunk people...Story:
- After watching a lovely episode of Ugly Betty (aka the show that describes my life in NYC, only not really but kinda) I started listening to Ipod, trying to force myself to sleep. Sounds of people on the street, not to mention my extremely annoying heater was clanking and spitting like the little brat it is when all of a sudden the screams of a very angry individual overpowered my music and attacked my eardrums. "Motherf***er" etc and so forth came screaming from down the hall. Of course being the horror savvy person I am, thoughts of Quarantine and The Shining slipped into my mind. Turns out a very drunk-or cracked out-lady couldn't get into her room and she was yelling at her door which wouldn't open because it wouldn't accept her credit card...Yeah, she was using her credit card as a room key. Well, after the nice Hotel man tried to tell her this she started threatening him using the same beautiful language as earlier. He called the police and left her to wonder the hall. Of course she came down to my and my friend's room and hearing/watching her through a peep hole was just too horror movie esque for my liking. Police show up and she says she is staying in my room...well, I shot that rumor down as fast I as could. To sum it up, she got into her room after tears where shed. Cops left and I had to pop and Tylenol PM to get visions of the pink coat swearing woman out of my head.
Work has been going swell. I even asked to pick up more hours from one of my internships! So no more free mondays for me. Sleeping in will be a thing of the past, but it is okay because I think I should be getting the most out of my New York experience. Another experience I got to have was celebrating a birthday via eating cupcakes at work with the headhanchos and my favorite Ellen Chenoweth. Loveliest lady ever and her assistant and secretary are equally as wonderful. To be able to work around a group of such wonderful ladies is quite the treat for this mere corn-fed Iowan. Cupcakes aside, the folks liked to comment on my new "Hurt Locker" look. Buzzed my head. It was time for a change, though i didn't think through the whole New York being breezy and my head being a cold magnet. So as butch as I am feeling (which isn't a super strong feeling) my newly acclaimed haircut doesn't warm my temples like I had hoped.
Been reading lots of great scripts, none of which I can tell you about but just trust me when I say there are some talented folks out there. Hopefully one day I will have enough motivation to write something equally as satisfying.
-Note to all: When eating please for the sake of keeping me from throwing up, eat with your mouth closed. The guy across from me likes to smack his food even when he doesn't have any bits in his mouth...Music turning on.....NOW.
Saw the magnificent Geoffrey Rush live in Diary of a Madman. 2 hours of pure Rush turned out to be one, if not my favorite, New York theatre experience. Flamboyant with the comic timing that only a seasoned actor could have, Rush owned the stage throughout all his monologues working in perfect physical humor and using the audience to his advantage. He made the show light and fluff, which made the ending so much more awful. Can't say it ended well for Mr. Madman. Plus his female costar who made the random appearance, gave Rush a run for his money. Even though most of her lines were not in English her intentions were clear and her physicality on stage always raised my lips into a playful smirk. Amazing performance. Amazing show. It was a double rainbow of a show.
Dance events are crazy here in NYC. But one thing I have found to be consistent is that feeling of feeling fat will affect even the fittest of people in the audience. Dancers just have something we normal folk don't. Hence my undying attraction to them...you're a dancer? *swoon* But, the real treat about one of these events was seeing our awesome teacher Patricia dance it up in Walter Dundervil's Candy Mountain. A artsy concoction of fruity pebbles beats and interpretative dance moves. Like a mix of theatre and movement with a hint of a acid trip. There was lots of skin too. A lot. I'll leave your imagination to wonder. ;)
Oh and ps. Flamenco dancing = like River dance but sexy.
Art exhibits down in Chelsea is kind of like taking a journey down the gutter of one's mind. First is the innocent and simple. A room with a light fixture that moves when you ride a bike. Then comes the more mature paintings and photos. Then that exploring stage which consists of work made out of metal pins or found objects. Then finally adulthood in all its graphic glory via Japanese erotic artwork. Beautiful and yet oh-so-graphic. A true awakening of the mind and energy. Seeing those woke me up and instantly made me wanna take a shower. So many fluids...*drifts off into a nightmare* Ahhhh! Highlight of Chelsea though...all the dogs! So manny puppies! So much love! PUPPY LOVE! *begins to talk like a baby* Sweet'ems, oh sweet poochies...etc and so forth. That was real dialogue spoken by me every time a pug walked by. True story.
My lovely Aunt flew in from London Saturday, and i got to spend some quality time with her. If you were wondering where my love for all things cinema came from, she would be the culprit. Also she is the reason I landed the internships I did, so gotta give shot out her for that. She took me around the wonderful shopping areas of Soho and 5th Avenue. My style may not be New York chic-aka if I am a man means dark dark dark! Dark skinny jeans tucked into or around fancy boots. True, most look good in this attire, but I though being an individual was a big draw about NYC. I will stick to my colored shoes thank you very much. Sorry, back on track now. Shopping and many chats later she flew off to NOLA for some movie mumbojumbo.
Sidenote: Girl just dropped 40 dollars. So i picked it up and handed it to her...barely got an audible "thank you." It was more like a Sloth grunting. New York, where manners don't matter.
So visit upon visits, buzzed hair and additional work hours later I am off to do laundry. And possibly off to find a play I have to read for audition stuff. Can't say my life is too boring I guess. All it needs now is Scott Pilgrim visuals, a decent and diverse soundtrack and one of the following. 1.) An ass-kicking action scene with me as the winner. 2.) Choreographed dance sequence 3.) Slow motion fashion walk scene. or 4.) Insert your own scene for me. ;)
Well, folks I am off. Keep it creative!
To say the life of a lowly intern living in the city via a hotel with little moolah is busy would be the understatement of the universe. Yeah, the whole verse. I say that because I think Mars gets better internet connection then I do. The coffee shop I do all my interwebbing on has little to no wifi at the moment, so trying to download songs on Itunes is like trying to sit through all three extended editions of LOTR. But, enough of the complaining lets talk about me. ; )
These past few weeks have been super duper intense in the show-seeing category. American Idiot, SNL, and then the handful of plays/musical/dance/art events don't even come close to fitting into two of my hands, so a handful was the wrong choice of wording. To sum it up, I have been a slave to New York.
Woke up this morning after a lovely night of cops and mouthy drunk people...Story:
- After watching a lovely episode of Ugly Betty (aka the show that describes my life in NYC, only not really but kinda) I started listening to Ipod, trying to force myself to sleep. Sounds of people on the street, not to mention my extremely annoying heater was clanking and spitting like the little brat it is when all of a sudden the screams of a very angry individual overpowered my music and attacked my eardrums. "Motherf***er" etc and so forth came screaming from down the hall. Of course being the horror savvy person I am, thoughts of Quarantine and The Shining slipped into my mind. Turns out a very drunk-or cracked out-lady couldn't get into her room and she was yelling at her door which wouldn't open because it wouldn't accept her credit card...Yeah, she was using her credit card as a room key. Well, after the nice Hotel man tried to tell her this she started threatening him using the same beautiful language as earlier. He called the police and left her to wonder the hall. Of course she came down to my and my friend's room and hearing/watching her through a peep hole was just too horror movie esque for my liking. Police show up and she says she is staying in my room...well, I shot that rumor down as fast I as could. To sum it up, she got into her room after tears where shed. Cops left and I had to pop and Tylenol PM to get visions of the pink coat swearing woman out of my head.
Work has been going swell. I even asked to pick up more hours from one of my internships! So no more free mondays for me. Sleeping in will be a thing of the past, but it is okay because I think I should be getting the most out of my New York experience. Another experience I got to have was celebrating a birthday via eating cupcakes at work with the headhanchos and my favorite Ellen Chenoweth. Loveliest lady ever and her assistant and secretary are equally as wonderful. To be able to work around a group of such wonderful ladies is quite the treat for this mere corn-fed Iowan. Cupcakes aside, the folks liked to comment on my new "Hurt Locker" look. Buzzed my head. It was time for a change, though i didn't think through the whole New York being breezy and my head being a cold magnet. So as butch as I am feeling (which isn't a super strong feeling) my newly acclaimed haircut doesn't warm my temples like I had hoped.
Been reading lots of great scripts, none of which I can tell you about but just trust me when I say there are some talented folks out there. Hopefully one day I will have enough motivation to write something equally as satisfying.
-Note to all: When eating please for the sake of keeping me from throwing up, eat with your mouth closed. The guy across from me likes to smack his food even when he doesn't have any bits in his mouth...Music turning on.....NOW.
Dance events are crazy here in NYC. But one thing I have found to be consistent is that feeling of feeling fat will affect even the fittest of people in the audience. Dancers just have something we normal folk don't. Hence my undying attraction to them...you're a dancer? *swoon* But, the real treat about one of these events was seeing our awesome teacher Patricia dance it up in Walter Dundervil's Candy Mountain. A artsy concoction of fruity pebbles beats and interpretative dance moves. Like a mix of theatre and movement with a hint of a acid trip. There was lots of skin too. A lot. I'll leave your imagination to wonder. ;)
Oh and ps. Flamenco dancing = like River dance but sexy.
Art exhibits down in Chelsea is kind of like taking a journey down the gutter of one's mind. First is the innocent and simple. A room with a light fixture that moves when you ride a bike. Then comes the more mature paintings and photos. Then that exploring stage which consists of work made out of metal pins or found objects. Then finally adulthood in all its graphic glory via Japanese erotic artwork. Beautiful and yet oh-so-graphic. A true awakening of the mind and energy. Seeing those woke me up and instantly made me wanna take a shower. So many fluids...*drifts off into a nightmare* Ahhhh! Highlight of Chelsea though...all the dogs! So manny puppies! So much love! PUPPY LOVE! *begins to talk like a baby* Sweet'ems, oh sweet poochies...etc and so forth. That was real dialogue spoken by me every time a pug walked by. True story.
My lovely Aunt flew in from London Saturday, and i got to spend some quality time with her. If you were wondering where my love for all things cinema came from, she would be the culprit. Also she is the reason I landed the internships I did, so gotta give shot out her for that. She took me around the wonderful shopping areas of Soho and 5th Avenue. My style may not be New York chic-aka if I am a man means dark dark dark! Dark skinny jeans tucked into or around fancy boots. True, most look good in this attire, but I though being an individual was a big draw about NYC. I will stick to my colored shoes thank you very much. Sorry, back on track now. Shopping and many chats later she flew off to NOLA for some movie mumbojumbo.
Sidenote: Girl just dropped 40 dollars. So i picked it up and handed it to her...barely got an audible "thank you." It was more like a Sloth grunting. New York, where manners don't matter.
So visit upon visits, buzzed hair and additional work hours later I am off to do laundry. And possibly off to find a play I have to read for audition stuff. Can't say my life is too boring I guess. All it needs now is Scott Pilgrim visuals, a decent and diverse soundtrack and one of the following. 1.) An ass-kicking action scene with me as the winner. 2.) Choreographed dance sequence 3.) Slow motion fashion walk scene. or 4.) Insert your own scene for me. ;)
Well, folks I am off. Keep it creative!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Pics and descrips.
Here is my attempt at updating you via photos of my life since the last time you skimmed over this blog.
Popped my Broadway cherry. American Idiot aka Green Day Musical...not my first choice, but only having to pay 27 bucks for a show I was down. And boy did I get down with the G-Day! Amazing and head banging crazy. Loved is an understatement.
My bestie Jenni won SNL tickets and she was nice enough to drag me along. Watching Russell Brand and the whole gang perform live, not to mention to see how they whole show works off camera was drool-inducing. I got a thorough abs workout that night.
Outside waiting for SNL stars I spotted the adorable Kelli Garner (Bully, Lars and the Real Girl, G-Force, Dreamland, Going the Distance) and called her over for a picture. May or may not have been the highlight of my night...no, it was. We bonded, I told her I see her face everyday on a poster at work and complimented her minty fresh breathe (it happened). Yes I classify that as bonding.
Alice and Me in Wonderland. She got me in size, but I got her in colorfulness. Oh, just take note that it was kinda chilly out hence the awkward face. Model pic? I think not.
Well kiddos and seniors *wink wink* I am off to visit with my Aunt who just flew in. I promise if I ever get wifi back I will update my blog via words-more my forte then visuals and subtitles-but for now this is the best I can do. Just to give you a taste of what you have to look forward to....
The Farting Pedestrian Story. Classic. It will be dramatic and worth it. I swears it! ;)
Later.
Popped my Broadway cherry. American Idiot aka Green Day Musical...not my first choice, but only having to pay 27 bucks for a show I was down. And boy did I get down with the G-Day! Amazing and head banging crazy. Loved is an understatement.
Well kiddos and seniors *wink wink* I am off to visit with my Aunt who just flew in. I promise if I ever get wifi back I will update my blog via words-more my forte then visuals and subtitles-but for now this is the best I can do. Just to give you a taste of what you have to look forward to....
The Farting Pedestrian Story. Classic. It will be dramatic and worth it. I swears it! ;)
Later.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Internet, Internet I love you...
Okay, I am gonna try and get you all up to date as fast as humanly possible as I race against the clock. You see I am sitting in the same damn coffee shop, no eye candy in site, and they are closing soon. If only my computer and my hotel would just have a little makeup session this wouldn't have to happen, but the love life between one technology and another is a sensitive thing...AH! Updating. Begins. NOW!
1.) Saw my first piece of New York theatre that blew me out of the water. It even dried me off and left me all warm on the inside. Matthew Lopez's The Whipping Man a play about jewish slaves on the eve of the end of the Civil War and their relationship with the son of the man that owned them. Now, if only that description did it justice. Layered with rich religious information as well choke full of devices placed perfectly by the author, this play was perfect in every way of the word. Set, character, story line, even the open ending was perfect. My first theatregasm. OH, and they cut a leg off onstage! Bloody good!
2. Went to the ballet. I couldn't stop singing the lyrics from "At the Ballet" from A Chorus Line...now if only I enjoyed it like I enjoyed A Chorus Line. Ballet, tights, masses of muscle and all it still didn't thrill me. Stop the yard is more my kind of style. ;)
3. Saw my first opera! That's all. Ugh.
4. Internships are going at full blast. Doing the usual lowly intern stuff, coffee (a real task still, people kill for that stuff!) running errands, but I think slowly but surely I am making friends with my coworkers. Whipped out a Heathers reference and wouldn't you know it that movie was one of the office managers favorite movies. And why wouldn't it be? It rocks the mean girls genre to the maxi pad! Total bonding happened I think, which is good because she seems like a fun person. That is kind of how I am basing my days now. If I do all my errands without getting mugged or lost (the latter happens every so often) and if I get a laugh or smile out of the people around the office then the day turns from okay to goooood. Oh did I mention I got assigned a book! A 241 page book to read and do coverage on for my friday internship. Totally intimidated at first because 1. It was nonfiction (not my thang) and 2. 241 pages?! Fast reader I am not...specially on nonfiction books about mennonites. But guess what, the book is HI-effin-larious and I want to be the authors best friend. Now just to finish it.
5. Best. News. Ever. Well in two parts. One, my bestie Jenni just found out she won SNL tickets. For this saturday! Russel Brand is hosting *happy dance* And Jenni is flying in and staying with me! Gonna be a regular old Urbandale party in my single! Then on Sunday, right after Jenni leaves my theatre-sista from college is coming to stay with me for a few days as well. And she has lived in the big apple before so can you say Par-tay! Because I can. ;)
I have been in the city for a total of a month and one day! Crazy! I feel like I haven't even gotten out to really see all of it yet. And by all I mean at least some of it, cause all is like a lifetime of walking. To say I love it here is an understatement, and maybe with a stroke of luck I can land a summer internship. One that pays! Work and money. What a life! We shall see. We shall see. Till next time, here's to hoping my internet works in my room next week. Later Yo.
2. Went to the ballet. I couldn't stop singing the lyrics from "At the Ballet" from A Chorus Line...now if only I enjoyed it like I enjoyed A Chorus Line. Ballet, tights, masses of muscle and all it still didn't thrill me. Stop the yard is more my kind of style. ;)
3. Saw my first opera! That's all. Ugh.
5. Best. News. Ever. Well in two parts. One, my bestie Jenni just found out she won SNL tickets. For this saturday! Russel Brand is hosting *happy dance* And Jenni is flying in and staying with me! Gonna be a regular old Urbandale party in my single! Then on Sunday, right after Jenni leaves my theatre-sista from college is coming to stay with me for a few days as well. And she has lived in the big apple before so can you say Par-tay! Because I can. ;)
I have been in the city for a total of a month and one day! Crazy! I feel like I haven't even gotten out to really see all of it yet. And by all I mean at least some of it, cause all is like a lifetime of walking. To say I love it here is an understatement, and maybe with a stroke of luck I can land a summer internship. One that pays! Work and money. What a life! We shall see. We shall see. Till next time, here's to hoping my internet works in my room next week. Later Yo.
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