The Flatulent Pedestrian

I almost forgot.  I promised the story that trumps all.  The story that consists of one signature sound...a sound that even now makes me look like a crazy person shaking with laughter in a corner of a coffee shop.

  The story:  The night was young and my friend Jenni and I, after walking many miles (maybe like 1 or 2) alongside Central Park made our way back from the delicious Shake Shack (the upscale cousin/love child of McD's and Culvers).  Stopping at a corner I saw that little neon white man flashing his perfectly shaped body at me, informing me we should cross.
      "Lets cross the street now so we don't have to deal with it later," I shouted at Jenni mid-jump.  Leaping across the street Jenni and I made our way to the corner only to be greeted in the most shocking of ways.
      The moment we came to a halt this middle aged man (I am saying he was middle aged because all I could see of him was his backside, and it screamed 30/40s) let the loudest fart go.  It was like that deep tuba-like sound with that squeaky end you get when you sit on a woopie cushion.  Aka a human should never be able to make such sounds, but this man accomplished just that.  Loud, deep and harmonious his bottom belch sounded over the car horns and chatter surrounding us literally stopping us in our tracts.
  Hands up in shock, i stood there trying to catch my breathe while at the same time trying not to breath in.  Jenni flung her head into my arm, shielding the soon to be zoo-animal like laughter that was about to be unleashed on the corner.
  With a loud grunt and shifting of his legs, the man didn't miss a beat before hopping across the street to leave us in his crop dust.
   To say we laughed would be rude to whatever we accomplished because laughter doesn't sum it up.  From that corner all the way back to the hotel (maybe a few blocks) tears, snot, and that guttural sound mixed with the high pitched glass shattering shriek or laughter came in waves from Jenni and myself.  We probably looked like drugged college students, which on a New York street is the probably one of the tamest things you'd see.  But, the moral of the story is.
    After eating a cheeseburger, fries and slurping down a chocolate custard shake to ensure a thorough abs workout find a man (or woman) to unleash the beast from behind to get you that toned and defined look.  It works like a charm.  Every time.